I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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