hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs