5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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