Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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