So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
