i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
