doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
