Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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