And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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