There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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