Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
FUCK WHALES
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
