no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
