they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
