why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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