Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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