I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
