Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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