I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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