i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm at about main and main street
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
