all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is Oprah even human
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
