It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
