The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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