FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
