I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize