Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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