just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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