They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
