Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
