i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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