i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
