If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
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Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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