I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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