it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
