I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
