He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
