the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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