she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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