around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
