did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
