I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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