Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
whose parrot is this?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
