last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
did i walk over a car last night?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
