the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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