Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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