I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I believe in your delicious
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
