I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
