it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
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At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
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She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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