is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
