That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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