Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
