I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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