OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
