I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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