SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
