Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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