these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
