I wish my penis had an off switch
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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