he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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