did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
