Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
