So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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