My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
