My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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