I think im going to throw up on grandma
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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