We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
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The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
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I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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