saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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