I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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