1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
