I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
